The Celtic Monk Musings

Six years ago today, we were all mid-Holy Week. That particular year I was in the sanctuary at Pine Shores Presbyterian Church in Sarasota early each morning–holding space for anyone who might want an early morning place for prayer, for silence..

On this particular morning no one had come. I was happily sitting in the stillness, prayerful, attentive, with eyes lightly closed. At a pause I opened my eyes to see what you see in the photograph above. The sun had risen enough to stream across the sanctuary and catch the large cross on the chancel. It was at once startling and stunning.

I fumbled through my backpack for my phone and snapped a few pictures before realizing that my heart was racing. A thousand thoughts were going through my mind. Was this an epiphany? A moment of grace? An accident? Was it my imagination, a fluke, a deception? Maybe a blessing. It took a while for the whirlwind to subside–and my heartrate to drop back to normal–only then relaizing I was sitting at the edge of the pew. I sat back and just stared. The sun slowly continued its climb and left the cross, and I continued to sit there for a very long time.

Remembering that morning these many years later, it suggested to me a spiritual concept I first learned from Macrina Wiederker in her book: “A Tree Full of Angels: Seeing the Holy in the Ordinary” originally published in 1988. I likely read it around then. It seems that her ideas have stayed with me in ways that are both simple and profound. Upon reflection, I realize I’ve been spiritually formed by her writings, by a woman I’ve never met. How that happens, she explains in the quote below:

I’m wondering about your awareness of this “holiness in the ordinary.” What burning bushes, or shining things have you seen lately? Where have you seen angels? What crumbs have you collected up because you’ve seen their hidden beauty? These are all spiritual acts. They also require seeing from the heart.

As I write, I am once more filled with a similar wonder as I was that morning six years ago. But not just the wonder of that morning, but at the many ways I have and continue to see shining things and trees full of angels everywhere in my life. I am especially grateful at this time in the history of the world…that I’ve also learned to see beauty in the crumbs. There are seasons when all there are, are crumbs.

My hope as we continue together toward Holy Week 2022, is that we might be attentive to and mindful of the shinings. And that when we see them we take the time to pause. Brother David Steindl Rast says it this way: “Moment by moment, life is offering you gift after gift…. But unless you stop, you will rush right by that gift; unless you look, you will miss it; and only if you go and do something with it can you fully avail yourself of that gift.”— Br. David Steindl-Rast This little offering is one of the ways I live the “go.”

Blessings and joy,

Kathleen — thecelticmonk

The 3 gifts. Who knew a few weeks ago when I finally chose my word for 2022, that it would be the beginning of a wild ride? Yet even as I write that sentence I’ve known it to be true across my life. When I’ve begun or committed to something earnestly in my life–it’s always been wise counsel to hang on; as the Creator of the Universe takes us at our word.

If you could lift the tabs made of teabags on the above piece now hanging on my wall…you’d find a quote by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. (One of many quotes hiding in plain sight). “I want first of all – in fact, as an end to these other desires – to be at peace with myself.  I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life … in fact – to borrow from the languages of the saints – to live “in grace” as much of the time as possible.  By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony.  I am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in the prayer from the Phaedrus when he said, “May the outward and inward (wo)man be at one.”  I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God.” The clarity of her words were at first startling. Yet that quickly passed, as I received them as something to take with me on the journey in 2022 which I’d named for myself just a few weeks earlier as purity of intention. These words from Lindbergh were among the first gifts.

A second gift for my journey came from my continuing course with Jon Kabat Zinn. I hope you know his work in stress reduction through mindfulness at Massachusettes General, or his many books and video courses. As I began listening to the the next round of classes, my ears perked up…or my heart began to open, and receive, as he read a snippet from “The Four Quartets”

We shall not cease from exploration
[And] the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall and the children in the apple tree.

I have been known to take exaggerated leaps in my thought processes, or in my logic, but it was no leap to recognize my desire for a heart-led practice of pure intention this year as nothing more than a “continuation of exploring.” And not only that but seeing this pursuit of intention as “the unknown unremembered gate.” And perhaps even, that where it shall lead is: “where we started/At the source/the voice of the hidden waterfall.” What tumbled together through Eliots words was that I’m not in pursuit of something new. Rather, of something elemental to all humankind; a desire to live from a place so deep in our hearts–that it’s where God’s heart resides. Or as Catherine of Sienna put it, where: “My deepest me is God.” A second gift for my journey.

And as if these gifts from Anne Morrow Lindbergh and from T.S. Eliot via Jon Kabat Zinn were not enough…

On Thursday of last week, I met via Zoom with friend Sharon Junn, who is also both a Presbyterian Minister and fellow Spiritual Director. Sharon is currently learning to help people discover their Enneagram type. For at least 25 years I’ve on occasion had an interest in the Enneagram and pretty consistently understood myself as a Mediator. After listening to Richard Rohr several years ago, I did wondered if I wasn’t off on that. After 50 minutes of conversation and to my surprise, Sharon and her supervisor suggested to me two types that I never considered. I’ve spent the rest of the week and weekend listening and reading definitions from many different interpreters. When first presented with their suggestions, I was amused as no one ever considered me a 2 or an 8 before. For various reasons, the 8 fell away rather quickly and I was left with this 2-ness. And the 3rd gift… Because in order to pursue purity of intention, one first must know their intention(s) and for two’s that can be a larger task than for some. I’m grateful for the invitation to pause right at the beginning for clarity–a gift.

Indeed my 2022 has begun as a wild ride. How about yours? My conviction is that the Creator of the Universe has exciting, challenging and comforting things prepared for us all. And while my spiritual path is not yours nor yours mine, our experiences are ultimately for good; ours and others. Hoping that awareness, invitation, response and growth, which are the material of transformation, will be yours and mine.

With love,

xo, Kathleen — thecelticmonk

Over the past month or so, an inordinate number of points of contact in my life have been suggesting that I choose a “word” for the New Year. While not something new to me, the suggestion seems more prevalent or even insistent this year–coming from such disparate corners as an artist I follow, a devotional podcast I listen to, a book I’m reading and my spiritual director. So okay, I can take a hint. The Benevolent Creator of the Universe seems to be seeking my attention.

I only began to seriously consider the choice of a word a few days ago. The holidays were joyfully full and busy with family. But as that time wound down, I was once again reminded of “that Word thing.” And like the nudging towards the act of choosing, there was also a clear nudge for what that word might be. But let me be clear, knowing what the word is…and knowing what it means/or is asking of me…are very different things.

Earlier this week I continued in an online class by Jon Kabat Zinn who in the second lesson was speaking about intention as it applied to mindfulness practice. During Advent, I lead an 18 day retreat where I encouraged participants to have a daily intention for their retrat. This morning as I listened to the Liturgy of the hours, my ears perked up as I heard: Our Lord told St. Faustina, “My daughter, let three virtues adorn you in a particular way: humility, purity of intention and love” ( Diary, 1779). As I heard this third reference to intention, ‘purity of intention’ I was reminded that the lore of my name is that it means pure. “Kathleen as a girls’ name is pronounced kath-LEEN. It is of Irish and Greek origin, and the meaning of Kathleen is “pure”. Variant of Katherine. First used outside of Ireland in the 1840s.”

So by now you know where I am going here. My Word for 2022 is Intention (modified by ‘purity of’). Other than thinking about it over the next few weeks, I’ll try to define it more cleanly for myself and put it into practice. I don’t know what that looks like yet and that’s okay. I am committing to doing some writing once a month about what I’m both learning about and doing with purity of intention–or more likely to be true–what it is teaching and changing in me.

What I am already noticing is that purity of intention likely has practical applications for many of the facets of my life. My interactions with family, with friends, my photography, my art, my ministry will all be impacted in ways I can’t yet imagine by a governor called purity of intention. It will open up things to do and ways to be–as well as limit or curtail other things I imagine.

Unlike those ‘lose 10 pounds’ New Years resolutions which have always been a dismal failure for me, this choosing to be guided by a word seems like an adventure. I’m on the road… to where… I do not know. But it seems as though the ‘pure intention’ to become is itself a success.

Wondering what you are hoping for, planning for, dreaming of, working towards in the year that lies ahead. Do you have a word, a phrase, a plan? My prayer for you is that your 2022 is full of joy and blessings. Happy New Year!

xo, Kathleen the celtic monk

“How long?” they asked. “Forever” I said.

That snippet of conversation is one I had hundreds of times beginning in 2019. It referred to my treatments 4 weekly infusions, 5-7 hours each, every April and October, with a drug called Rituxan to treat my incurable but treatable Granulomatosis with Polyangiitis. “How long?” they asked. “Forever” I said.

While the ritual infusions are lifesaving, there are/were benefits and costs. Sounds like something I learned in Management by Objective training…benefits and costs. The benefit is to stop my body from destroying itself with an out of control immune response. A very good thing. The cost is the absence of an immune system at all, killed off by the drug, leaving me susceptible to anything and everything. A lesser cost was that in treatment months, all I could do was sleep. We’re talking 12-14 hours a day. Since April of 2019, I have missed every April and Ocotber. Till October 2021…

It’s October, and I’m awake. My pre-infusion bloodwork had none of the usual markers for active disease. My Rheumatologists recommendation is hold off on Sleeping through October. Re-do bloodwork in a few months… wait and see. So it’s October and I’m awake!

And it’s October and I am grateful. I’ve always experienced myself as a grateful person. But the contours of my gratitude have changed over the years. I was always grateful for extraordinary things, opportunities, experiences, people. I always had a sense of being gifted so much. I find now, however, that I am grateful for gifts that are everyones…at all times…when we are open to them. I am full of gratitude for the 100’s of different greens of the trees out my window. I am grateful for still water, and ripples from jumping fish, and windswept tides. I am grateful for the color of a blue sky with and without clouds and for the opportunity to watch a thunderstorm approach from the west. I am full of gratitude as I watch the white herons perch to catch the dawn on the tallest pines and preen before setting off for a day’s hunt. I am grateful of the reflections of the moon, the colors of sunrise and sunset, and trees on Lake Ibis–never the same twice.

Though complicated to reason through, it is the fact of my disease that has brought me to be AWAKE this October. AWAKE to what is freely given to all people, in all places, when we’re ready. I continue to build my reservoir of gratitude day by day, because I know it will come in handy in those darker days that come to us all. And I’m writing this all down to remind myself (and offer to you) the cultivation of this ‘awakeness’ this awareness…the filling of our reservoirs of gratitude moment by moment.

Sending peace, love and blessing to you on your journey,

Kathleen

thecelticmonk

In 2009, while still in fulltime church ministry, I began to wonder what I would do as I looked toward retirement. I already imagined staying active in spiritual work…but even then knew my leanings towards a contemplative path, a wide understanding of God, God’s love and welcome, and my eclectic choice of authoritites would make it difficult for me to be affiliated with any one denomination inside Christianity–or even as part of another world religion.

To kick off my road to retirement, I began the process of becoming a Benedictine Oblate of St. John’s Abbey… it was two years of spiritual nourishment. Next my continuing education time in 2011 was spent attending THE JOHN MAIN seminar in Ireland (there are old blogs about that way, way down at the bottom of the page). It was also a life changing experience. Around the same time, I chose to do my training in Spiritual Direction at Shalem Institute–a non denominational program. with outstanding teachers and curriculum. Putting it all together, I began a not-for profit called Peace River Spirituality Center which offered both group and individual retreats, Spiritual Direction, and for 10 years supported two children through Compassion International. That was then. It was a wild ride!

My old Blogspot account is closed now, as well as the Peace River Spirituality Center. To my surprise, I found a home within the Presbyterian Church far longer than I anticipated anyone would tolerate me-thanks Revs. Karen and Bruce-but with the move to Jax Beach I’ve come to the place once more of beginning again in this last chapter of life and ministry. (I can’t separate the two…my life is ministry).

To those of you who are new to this Blog on WordPress, Welcome! To those of you who have transitioned with me over the past 13 years, God Bless You! If the time just past is any indication of what is ahead, we are once again embarking on an adventure.

It is the adventure of beginning again that keeps my spirit bouyed. It’s the gift of openness to what is catching my attention, to what seems to need to be done or said…that makes me excited at each beginning–and makes me able to let go of what was, with some sadness surely, but not trauma. If I was a person who was tied to sameness, to continuing on the same path, in the same manner, in the same place…life would be quite miserable. But I have been given a child-like hope that holds me in good stead as the road turns and new vistas open.

My hope is that you have already, or will make time soon to consider the new beginnings in your life. What has come to you as new or surprise? What did you think was going to happen? What actually did happen? What happened next? We can choose how we react to newness. We can’t change the fact that paths bend, widen, narrow or end. May you know the faithfulness of the Creator of us all, in the beginnings, turns and endings of your journey. And may the adventure take you to green pastures, beside still waters.

With loving thoughts and heartfelt prayers,

Kathleen

The Celtic Monk

Do you recognize that as the parachute that safely landed 4 American astronauts into the Gulf of Mexico after their stint on (ISS) the International Space Station? I don’t know whose idea it was, but in the markings on the parachute itself is the message: “Dare Mighty Things.” Surely preparing is a mighty thing. So is take off. But I never considered landing a “Mighty Thing.” Did you?

Well actually I never considered landing a mighty thing until the day I landed in Jacksonville Beach and within 12 hours calling paramedics because something was really wrong and in the hospital learning the word A-fib. Then home one night and when it happened again, driving myself to the ER to tell them it was happening again. After another day in the hospital, I was on my way back home; new meds in hand, new tests to be run, new doctors to follow-up. It seems after my 3-2-1 blast-off, I kind of crash landed. Not to be concerned…things are working themselves out. New meds, new practices, another new normal evolving.

While the landing looked catastrophic for a while…it was a safe landing. I was in a community with good health care. I am blessed with good insurance. A neighbor who only knew me by the car in the driveway–but whose name I learned from a newsletter–when I called, went to the house and took care of the dogs while I lingered in the hospital. I had the wherewithall in the middle of the unknown to leave the front door unlocked. And all the while Sam (who they would not have let in the hospital) continued in Sarasota with the packers and movers. He arrived in Jacksonville just a few hours after I was released.

This particular landing was mighty for me. But on reflection, I’ve come to believe a lot of our landings are, such as: that first night at summer camp as a child; the first time our dad takes his hands off the back of the bicycle seat when we’re learning to ride; the first time we call someone our best friend or say yes to a first date. We Dare a Mighty Thing when we move into the dorm, approach an almost full lunch table and sit down, when we decide to marry, to become a parent, to buy house. These are just a few of the landings in all of our lives for which we had to Dare to be Mighty.

What are the ways in which you have chosen to Dare Mighty Things?

We dare a mighty thing when we begin a new friendship. We dare a mighty thing when we negotiate new terms for an old friendship. We dare a mighty thing when we cope with physical, mental and emotional challenges constructively. We dare a might thing when confronted with change or loss. We dare a mighty thing by changing our minds from the way we always thought it would be/should be. We dare a mighty thing when we choose to reveal our weaknesses as well as our strengths. We dare a mighty thing sometime by putting one foot in front of the other and ‘doing the next right thing’.

After the suspenseful part of my most recent medical drama 😉 was over, I was feeling a little fragile. Adrenaline always has served me well in an emergency, but now that the eminent danger had passed the enormity of the landing was hitting me. I was at my first visit here with the new doctor who is taking over the care of my GPA, Dr. Manresh Relan. He had all the records from my history up to and including my recent ER and hospital stays. After the initial doctorly chitchat, he said to me was “you are stronger than you think.” You are stronger than you think. He wasn’t talking about my physical wellbeing, but resilience. It made me take a deep breath.

Where have you landed lately? Green pastures and still waters, or somewhere else? What are the opportunities before you to Dare Mighty Things? Are you taking them, or trying to go a different way? How is your resilience? I’ve thought almost daily about Dr. Relan’s words, especially when my mind is wandering down a less than mighty path. And each time, it makes a palpable difference.

May the encouragement and power that was given to me, be encouragement and power to you today. “You are stronger than you think.” You are stronger than you think. So do not be afraid to dare something mighty. You are stronger than you think.

From my landing pad, to yours, with love…

Kathleen

Kathleen Bronagh Weller — thecelticmonk