I found myself up in the middle of the night, wide awake, with no discernable purpose. This blank page of time doesn’t happen often. If I do wake in the watches of the night there’s usually a reason that rather quickly reveals itself. But not last night. So I began the inventory of the usual suspects… too hot? too cold? numbness or pain? my ‘to do’ list for tomorrow? concerns for a loved one? recent news? the planet? No, I thought. I covered most of those things as I prayed before sleeping. So what’s up–or better yet–why am I up?
My mind wandered around for a while and settled on the words above, words I’d recently written in closing a note to a friend. Now lying on my back watching shadows of water dancing on the ceiling I wondered what I meant by them, by each of them. Good question. What did I mean? And like a row of perfectly placed Dominos… the answers began to fall perfectly as if by design.
The peace I intended to send was a feeling–the feeling of taking a deep breath and feeling one’s whole body responding pleasantly to the increase in oxygen. As I thought of it last night, and as I am writing it now I couldn’t help but taking that kind of breath. The peace that I hoped for my friend was the openness and ease of such breaths, as a part of their life. Yes that was it.
But why mercy? What was I thinking? Too much theological training likely. Thinking about it now, I don’t know if I was hoping they would be the recipient of mercy (compassionate forgiveness) or would dispense it to others. The promise of the Beatitude aside, my experience is that it’s a lifes work to be a person of mercy. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”
Grace came easily into my hopes and wishes that day. Just as easily as I see it everywhere. I believe that unmerited favor is ours any time we witness something beautiful… in relationships, in nature, in an interaction with a stranger, in silent solitary times, in rush hour traffic, in life’s pedestrian and ecstatic moments. Grace just is–for those who see with their heart. Knowing all these moments of life as grace-filled is something we grow in.
I needed to sort all those things out for some reason at an hour when the almost full moon was high in the western sky making the water outside my window dance a reflection on my ceiling causing the rod and arms of the still ceiling fan look like the petals of a flower blowing in a breeze. I said ‘thank You’ as a response. I was in a moment of grace.
These thoughts led me to the practice of a widening circle prayer. I prayed for this peace, mercy and grace for myself. I prayed for peace, mercy and grace for Sam, sound asleep beside me. I prayed for peace, mercy and grace for my son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren… pausing to consider what that might look like for each of them (because it is different for all of us). I continued out in widening circles to extended family, to friends, to neighbors, as faces or names came to mind. With the list of folks I knew now nearly exhausted, I continued to consider those I don’t know. Peace, mercy and grace to any who are awake in the middle of the night. Peace, mercy and grace to the lonely. Peace, mercy, and grace to those in places of war or disturbance. Peace, mercy and grace to unjust world leaders. Peace, mercy and grace to those who…
I don’t know who was next. I fell back asleep by the time I got to the unjust leaders and pictured them taking a breath and becoming a little more humane… then experiencing compassionate forgiveness (mercy) being willing to offer it to those over whom they wielded power… and being a recipient of God’s unmeritied favor, I observed them seeing the humanity of every living creature. The world set right, I fell asleep in peace. “I will lie down in peace, and sleep comes at once, for You alone Lord make me dwell in safety.”
There is a name for what I call the widening circle prayer, in Buddhism. I’ve long since forgotten the Sanskrit name. But on a more or less regular basis, I find myself praying this way. I’m not hoping to throw ideas out into an unknown universe, but petitioning the Creator of that universe. Beyond that, I believe my prayer is joining the Creator’s desire as well. The final piece I am aware of more and more, is that I cannot pray for something for myself, that I also don’t wish, hope, or desire for all others. We are all connected. Our well-being depends on the well-being of all. It cannot be any other way.
So to those of you I know, and those of you I don’t; to those of you who are at this moment doing really great and those of you living on the edge; to those of you who need peace or can offer it; who are in need of compassonate forgiveness or can extend it to someone; to those of you who know unmerited favor or aren’t even sure it exists; to all of you I offer Peace, Mercy and Grace today and in all the days to come. And I invite you to make your own widening circle prayer.
With much hope,
Kathleen Bronagh Weller thecelticmonk
The Celtic Monk Musings 