The Celtic Monk Musings

200 days and counting… in a new way.

Who ever imagined what this year might hold when the clock ticked its way into 2020.  I don’t remember even a rumbling of things to come until February by which time of course it was already too late.  Too late for the hundreds of thousands who would succumb to an invisible virus, and themselves invisible without the possible presence of family and friends.

If all of this hasn’t yet encouraged you to think long and hard about what’s important and what is not…I’m surprised.  I do think my friends and family are a little smarter than the average bear. It’s a soulful and reorienting time for us all.

Most you know that my life over the past 30 years has been dotted with weeks spent in silence at one of a few different Monasteries and Abbeys I frequent—Gethsemani, St. John’s, Eastern Point a few favorites.  So even though I feel as though my home has become somewhat like a monk’s cell, still there are things missing: the cadence, the chosen silence, the rituals, the prayers.  Hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it.

One of the retreats I haven’t been able to participate in (not because of the pandemic—just because of life) is the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. The Exercises as they are called is a 30 day guided retreat with 4 distinct movements. It is not a retreat undertaken on ones own, but under the guidance of a Director, with whom the participants meet each day. All Jesuits begin their ministry with the Spiritual Exercises and then revisit them throughout their ministry. Lay people have also been welcomed—after doing a few 8-day guided retreats as preparation.

Last month, as the time for what would have normally been the second retreat for me of 2020 quietly passed by, the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises came to mind.  Under ‘normal’ circumstances, they are only offered once or twice a year.  Under ‘normal’ circumstances, they are only offered at a retreat house.  Under ‘normal’ circumstances, they are taken in a group. But these are not normal times.                                                                       I spent the better part of a week Googling “Zoom Spiritual Exercises” and variations thereof. While no Jesuit retreat center was advertising the possibility of doing this at home and via Zoom—two retreat houses responded to my emails of inquiry.  After a few phone conversations and a long, written application process, I’ve made a commitment to undertake the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises 30-day retreat in an unconventional way, at this unconventional time.

For 30 days, beginning Monday, September 28^th through Thursday, October 30^th, I will be on retreat at home under the direction of Fr. Andrew Rodriguez of the Jesuit Retreat Center of Los Altos (El Retiro San Inigo). As part of the retreat, I will attend a virtual Communion service each morning.  I will meet daily via Zoom with Andrew.  I will read assigned Scripture and practice a Daily Examen. Each day will conclude with the Divine Office of Compline (already a favorite spiritual practice).  Listening, journaling, praying, discerning, meditating. Surely there’s more that I haven’t learned about yet.

With all those ‘doings’ there also comes a list of not doings.  I won’t have use of my cell phone, email or social media.  No television, no movies, no Lumosity, FB, or Words with Friends! Can you imagine a month without being connected to the web? I will use Zoom for my daily meeting.

My hope is that you will keep me in prayer September 28^th through October 30^th and that though I will be out-of-sight, I won’t be out of mind. For my part, I’ll keep you in heart and prayer as well.

If there is something urgent, dear Sam will be connected.  While he was never a fan of the idea of my leaving home for 30 days, he’s being a really good sport about my being here…but not being here a compromise for us both.  We’re working out the details of meals and chores, etc. so that the time will run smoothly.  What a guy 😉

My calendar tells me that when my 30 Day Spiritual Exercises are over, I’ll be in day 244 of quarantine. We will all be a mere 4 days before THE election. My earnest hope and prayer is that the pandemic and the world will be closer to wholeness when I’m finished—those requests are already on my prayer list.  If you have a prayer request for me to take with me into the silence, please send it before September 26^th—when I’ll be in my final preparations.

God bless you for having walked with me on some part of my spiritual unfolding over the years.  This is simply one more dimension yet to be explored.

In peace and with xo,

Kathleen

P.S.    1 – The photo’s are the Jesuit Retreat Center of Los Altos.  I am so grateful  and hope to visit one day.        2 – October is also my infusion month. The first 4 Thursdays I will be practicing silence with no electronic toys during my 4.5 hour infusions. With God anything is possible!                                                                                            3 – Don’t forget to send me your prayer requests.

As quarantine time lengthens, I am realizing the number of things that had fallen out of my immediate consciousness are reappearing.  Things, places, people who hadn’t made it into my daily thoughts are beginning to resurface. I wonder if that is true for you too.

The picture above is a sunrise on the Sea of Galilee.  I was standing in Tiberius, facing the Golan Heights.  It was beautiful and powerful.  It gives me chills now looking at it.  But I hadn’t thought about it in a while.

About a year and a half ago, I began teaching myself French through an 8 part course I purchased on Audible.  It was fun–and at the time–I had the time. But life got in the way.  I lost track of it in other things.  This week I moved it from my Audible Library… to download to my device.  I hadn’t thought about it in a while.

For some reason, Holy Spirit Monastery in Rostrevor Northern Ireland popped up in my Facebook feed this weekend.  I visited with them for several days on a trip to Ireland in 2010.  On and off for a while after, I’d check in electronically to see what they were up to. But this week I joined them for Compline on Sunday and Sam and I participated in the sacrament with them this morning. [They have been live-streaming their sanctuary 24/7 for at least a decade.]  It was something I “used to do” regularly…but I hadn’t thought about it in a while.

I could go on about the things that have popped back up in my life in the past 30 days. But I’m already wondering about the things that will come in the next 30.  And I’m wondering also if after the imminent threat passes I’ll just let these things sink back into oblivion, or…  Or if I’ll take the time, now and then, to listen to these things that busy-ness took away.  If I’ll take the time, now and then, to mine what and why these things stay with me and strike a chord in me.  If I’ll listen for the holy in them.

What are those things that are rising in you in these long days, my friend?  Who are the people?  Where are the places? What is the experience that may still have something to speak into your life?  Is there some unfinished wisdom trying to get a hearing?

I left the most surprising one for last.  Jesus.  I’ve had a long and checkered experience with Jesus and the traditions through which I received him.  I’ve always been a Gospel of John, Jesus admirer… rather than the version of Jesus in the synoptics.  I’ve always been more interested in the Mystical Jesus than the dogmatic one.  So imagine my surprise as over the past week I’ve been drawn back to the fullness of this One.  In an Ignatian-like manner, I’m engaged in reading myself into his stories, to see what he saw, smell what he smelled, taste what he tasted, feel what he felt. And though I’m sticking pretty close to John’s telling… I can describe the experience as finding something that I lost.  No one is more surprised than me.

I don’t know where this will take me.  But that’s not the point.  When we human beings stop allowing in the incessant noise, new input, old news, reports, statistics, and images, etc. we may just find as someone more wise than me said:  We already possess all we need.

We already possess all we need.  In things that have already been given to us.  In things we forgot we knew.  In things we didn’t know how to remember. You can decide if you want to give credit for that little piece of wisdom to 2 Peter chapter 1 or to Pema Chodron.  But at this time for me… it’s just one more of the things that I lost, and that is now found.

May you find all you need in the storehouse of what you have already received. And in it find joy and true peace.

xo, the celtic monk

Kathleen

I begin with the hope and also a prayer that you are well.  These are unprescedented days for most of us.  May you know peace in these uncharted waters.

Slowly over the past week I began to be aware that added to the stress of a rampant virus, was the stress of folks simply not knowing what to do with the time at home being forced upon them.  After a binge watch or two of a favorite series and cleaning a closet and a drawer…now what?  Now what for the next 10, 20 or 30 days?  What’s the plan?

Before you and I were a part of this dilemma, actually since about the 4th century, there have been a group of people who  navigated these uncharted waters successfully. They were first called the Desert Mothers and Fathers, and later simply monks and cloistered nuns.

For the past 16 centuries these folks have stayed away from the maddening crowd. They have learned to live simply, bare necessities only.  They’ve set a schedule to their days which never includes jumping in the car, going to a mall, or even being on a cell phone.  How have they survived?

Over the past 30 years, I’ve spent about 50 weeks practicing this unconventional life. At least half of those weeks at the Abbey of Gethsemane in Kentucky, a dozen or so at St. John’s Abbey in Minnesota and the rest at assorted monasteries, convents and silent retreats both around the country and even the world.  I find now, that in addition to the immediate gifts and blessings over those years, that these expereinces have taught me how to be  a person who thrives in quarentine. Who knew?

So today I’m sharing  some of what I learned in these experiences that is holding me in good stead now and hopefully into the foreseeable future.  It’s viabliity for success is not based on my puny expereince–rather on those 16 centuries  of experience that I spoke of earlier.  Here’s what I have to offer.

Make a schedule for your day. The monks would call it a Rule of Life.   By schedule I don’t mean write a ‘to do’ list in the morning.  I mean write a  plan that you are able to keep.  A sample might look like this:

6:00 wake up

6:30 Spiritual reading/practice and prayer  (with or without coffee)

7:30  breakfast

8:00  check news/email/your favorite social media

9:00  walking/treadmill/yoga

9:30  shower

10:00 – 12:00  cleaning/straightening/sorting  (work)   or hoobby/interest time

Noon  Mid-day meal

1:00  Read something you otherwise would not take the time for.

2:00 Nap  (or meal prep for dinner)

3;00 – 5:00  Creative contact  –  phone, email, text people important to you.

…

You get the idea.  The desert fathers and mothers could not only survive but thrive in their self imposed quarentine, because it was not a daily chore to decide what to do.  It was all mapped out–their life was ordered.  The difference between them and us is that we can draw our own map.  And truly, what is on it… is less important than that we have a map to follow.

The rhythm of our life helps to hold us together.  It is predictable.  It makes us feel secure.  This time is all the more fragile for us, because we cannot do what we always did.  It feels so random.  We can (and I think must) do something about that.  We can (and I think must) take back the control that Covid-19 took from us.  One small way to do that is to look to those for whom quarentine is a chosen way of life.

Far from going stir crazy…or even extinct… those 4th century men and women yielded up a map for just such a time as this.  They showed us and the generations of monks who followed, that creating and following a little Rule of Life gave just enough structure for their well-being.  It alleviated the need to re-invent each day and made them productive in the things important to them.

How productive are you right now in the things that are important to you?  Writing a Rule of Life for yourself, or together with your family for this unknown stretch of time might have the triple effect of productiviy, contentment, even happiness.

Over the years I’ve led folks in retreats and in private spiritual direction on how to write their own Rule of Life… not for times of quarentine, but to set them on a chosen path or goal they have for themselves.   I am always surprised by the many different ways individuals approach the task and the many different ideas that find there way into their  personal Rule.  What would be the things you include?

Have your days been an un-nerving jumble lately… maybe this is worth a try.   Maybe worth a try.

Sending up prayers for you and those you love,

Kathleen

thecelticmonk…

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Perhaps as you read the heading above, you wondered if I didn’t know that the geographic place in the Great Himalayas is spelled Kashmir, and not cashmere.  But the truth of the matter is I’ve never been to India, or the Himalayas. Yet I have been sleeping in cashmere without leaving home–and before you judge this as a prosperity issue, let me explain.

I’m in the first month of treatment for an illness that has overtaken my immune system over the past 9 months. My whole body–just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz–knows: “this ain’t Kansas anymore.”  On any day, I don’t know what system, organ, or part of my body will have a tantrum.  It’s like my body has turned into a fun house (not so fun) and there are surprises behind every door.

The other night, in the middle of the night, I was first sweating and then freezing.  No temperature adjustment in the house would have made a difference; this is just a symptom of what’s happening within me. Not wanting to wake up husband and dogs by turning on lights… I went into my closet in the dark and felt around up on the shelf on the back left corner where my sweaters live.  I put my hand on one that had no buttons or embellishment and pulled it over my head. Ahh.  Warm.  Not too heavy.  Not too light.  I was just right!  A Goldilocks moment. Imagine my surprise in the morning when I woke up in a cashmere sweater that was a Christmas gift a few years ago.  “Nice sweater!”

Indeed it was.  Or it is.  And as I thought about it… it was also just what I needed.  It was comforting in its softness.  It was/is just the right weight and breathe-ability. And I get some kind of vicarious pleasure having slept in something I once considered almost too special. In fact, I  have ‘saved it’ more than ‘worn it’ as not to ruin it.  At that rate it would die a death of moth holes rather than wear out.  But not now.

Every night since then I slip on my sweater over my night clothes as I get ready for bed. I keep it on in the morning as I make my kale rich smoothie.  When dressing for the day, I fold it over the back of the chair nearest my bed, so that it will be there to warm and comfort me not only in body, but in mind and in spirit.

I have most always known that the Creator of the universe, is not stingy or frugal but lavish with all. Well, I’ve known it in my head.  But over the past week or so, I’ve begun to learn it better in my heart.  I’ve realized that this little gesture of self-care helps in my healing process in more ways than I can count.  I am reminded that I am a child of a generous God…that I am worthy…that I am cared for each time the softness of my sweater makes its presence known.  It’s like sleeping in a divine hug.

A few years ago when serving on a committee which welcomed new pastor’s into the area, I always was the person in the room who asked the question about self-care.  Pastor’s notoriously don’t take care of themselves until its critical.  I’d ask them to tell me about their habits, interests or hobbies outside of the profession that tended to their emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.  Some had a hard time answering the question.  Others had a hard time even understanding it!

Should I be asked the question at this changing time in my life:  What are my habits, interest or hobbies that tend to my emotional, mental and spiritual well-being one of the first things I’d have to say “sleeping in cashmere.”  Seems like such a little thing.

And yet I offer it to you. Maybe this little blog can get you thinking about how you care for you in the midst of your life right now.  What are you doing to tend to your emotional, mental and spiritual well-being? Whether able bodied or otherwise, self-care can be as simple as pulling a sweater down off the shelf in the dark and can make a profound impact on your well-being.  It did mine.

Know today, that the generous Creator of the Universe loves you, and so do I.

Kathleen Bronagh Weller      THECELTICMONK     APRIL 12, 2019

Recently while on retreat as I walked in to the Abbey Church early each morning, there was simply the sound of silence.  In fact on the first morning, I had to use my cell phone as a flashlight, as it was pitch dark!  But once settled in I would begin to hear the water bubbling and gurgling from the baptismal font pictured here.  It was a  lovely sound.  A familiar sound.  A calming sound.

On reflection it seems surprising to me that it took me so long to hear it.  And yet…  There was that darkness that I needed to negotiate.  And I was on unfamiliar ground.  There was an unspoken feeling of aloneness, even if that was what I was seeking.  And through all of what was going on inside of me, this the font just did what it always did–24 hours and day 365 days a year.  It was mine to notice, or not.

I’ve begun to consider how very much this is scenario true of the whole of our lives; and how particularly true it is of our spiritual lives.  What does being “on unfamiliar ground” do to your ability to really see what is happening around you?  Can you find a way to settle, or listen, or be at peace in any present darkness?  Or how is it, in times that are new or changing do you hear or experience the grace of God, God’s Spirit or voice?

We all have options, we quickly realize, in darkness, or in unfamiliar territory, or when we feel particularly alone. We can react to these situations with annoyance, anger or rage (which by the way is a continuum…once we allow one, the others aren’t far behind!)  So we can, as they say “curse the darkness” what ever that is currently for us. But I believe there is a better way.

In any loneliness, darkness or changing in our lives, there is always the bubbling, calming, gurgling font–the voice, grace and Presence–Who is always with us.  Even when we are too distracted to notice, as I was that first morning.  Even when the sounds of our own ego are screaming at high pitch.  Still then, maybe especially then, the One who is closer than our breath, is waiting to be heard, waiting to be seen, waiting to give comfort, and peace.

While on retreat,  it took me four mornings, to really listen as I came into the Abbey Church well before dawn.  It took me three full days of observing silence and being intentional about listening…to actually hear.  We are not a people who gladly get off any hobby horse(s) we are riding in our heads!  But sometimes, it just takes an invitation to listen to really listen. And sometimes we have to hear the invitation over and over.

For me, the invitation during that week away came in the constancy of the font.  How appropriate that the invitation to listen, the invitation to grace, to peace came by a simple awareness of the waters of baptism.  For indeed what I heard was lovely. What I heard was calming and the giver of peace–and just seeing the photo above reminds me of the goodness always available every moment of every day.

So this year, I am giving thanks for the sounds and the silences that lead me to hear the grace that is splashing and bubbling and gurgling all around me.  And I invite you to your own awareness of the splashing and bubbling and gurgling  in your life–for the One who Is, Who was and Who is to come (like the font) is speaking 24/7/365.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING,

kathleen

Kathleen.bronagh.weller.thecelticmonk

Something much easier to preach these days, than to practice, is the art of not adding to the fear and the fury of the tumultuous social and political events of our day.  We seem to have lost the gift and the blessing of restraint, and the ability to harness rather than share anger and/or outrage.

Not as trite as it sounds, what comes to mind is Dr. Phil’s question… how’s that working for you?  Does sharing wrath make your day a better day?  Are you fit or even civil company?  Does staying glued to news outlets help you share a sense of peace and joy with those around you?  So my answer to these questions is obvious: No.  Spewing makes my stomach churn, my blood pressure rise.  My anger makes me more likely to cut others to the quick.  It makes me anxious. How about you?

People I both love and respect who in other circumstances would be taking the high road, in this current untenable situation of our nation, on an hourly, daily or weekly basis are taking the low road.  And this is my own fear, in doing this we are becoming like what/who we hate. We are acting like what/who we despise.  We have lost some the objectivity to reflect on what we are saying or doing. And in the deeps within we know this to be true.

For me, it’s a matter of time. Yes, minutes and hours.  How much time do I spend each day burrowing in the darkness?  And how much time do I spend in soaking up and sharing light?  And when I’m in the downward spiral–can I simply walk away?  What is my trigger to tell me to ‘take the nearest exit’ for my own safety?  What can I do, where can I go, what can pull me out?  And what is it that brings me back to neutral, or even better sets my feet on high places?

We all find our own way, don’t we, in troubled times.  I spent all of 2017 (Yikes!) and part of 2018 angry, disgruntled and disgusted. Nothing that I saw as the root of that has changed…but at an unknown time and in a secret place inside a lever was thrown, some thing shifted in my inner being.  It was not that simple and I do not know the day or the hour, but my awareness became just this: what if  I spent even half the time and energy I was spending in the dark and instead use it for the purposeful spread of light?  Is it possible that the world would already begin to become a different place–a place of which I would be proud to be a part.

There is no single book, no sacred writing, no favorite author or speaker that I can point to for this new thought, revived hope and beckoning practice.  It just came.  It just dawned, slowly and gently.  My conviction is that it is the fruit of my practice of sitting meditation with the words of Augustine as my mantra:  “Noverim Te, noverim me”  — I look at God, I look at myself.   It is a gift that I am still growing into in fits and starts.

It is also a truth that is branching out into my whole life–personally and professionally.  What would it look like for you to “bless those who curse you?”  I don’t mean who literally curse you, but those whose actions are a curse to you, whose words and plans curse the meaning of life you hold dear?  What would it take for you to bless them.

Let me be the first to confess the difficulty of this blessing thing.  I could give you a long list of people for whom it would be insincere of me to verbally bless.  But what if my thoughts and actions were those of blessing–when their actions enraged me?  What if instead of cursing, railing, and blathering; what if instead, on their behalf and in their name, I blessed someone in my sphere of influence with goodness, with kindness, with generosity.  What if I determined to became a cosmic counterpoint?

These are my hopes and dreams friends, for myself and for you.  That we all would find a way to live moment by moment in such light, that the whole earth might begin to sense that there is healing light growing in the darkness.  That there is healing light in me.  That there is healing light in you.

In brightness,  Kathleen  — the celtic monk

What was the last thing you were invited to attend?  I don’t mean the herd invitation… everyone is invited. I mean the personal invitation as in I’d be so happy if you would join me, or come with me, or come and see…

Most of us are invited often to be part of a crowd.  Come to the spaghetti supper!  Come to the Farmer’s Market!  Come to the Strawberry Festival, the Film Festival, the … well you can just fill in the blank.

I am writing to invite you to a very small gathering.  I am writing to invite you to an event where you and I will be the only visible participants.  I am writing to invite you to meet me (every morning at 7:30 a.m. EDST and every evening at 7:30 p.m. EDST) for a journey into your relationship with God which, as it turns out, ends up being a journey not only towards God, but towards yourself and into every relationship in your life.

I am calling this time a retreat… because the content when added up would make a wonderful week long retreat in a lovely setting.  But we all can’t just gather ourselves to get away, can we.  Yet, it’s likely that our soul would benefit from some focus.  It’s likely that we could use some encouragement to become or stay faithful in our spiritual practice or discipline.  What better way than to be able to participate anywhere we can connect to the Internet where we will move through this time leading to Holy Week and the joy of Easter slowly, reverently and together. 

How many good intentions I’ve had for keeping a spiritual practice for Lent…as a reminder that Jesus’ way had now turned and He was on His way to Jerusalem…only to let it fall away.   So beginning February 14th, Ash Wednesday, at 7:30 p.m. I will be LIVE on the Peace River Spirituality Center Facebook page.  I will be there each Monday through Friday morning and night all the way to Good Friday, March 30th.  We will meet in the morning 7:30 a.m. for a very short bit of inspiration and 20 minutes of silent meditation.  We will gather back in the evening for Compline, evening prayer,  7:30 p.m. which will include an additional 15 minutes of silence.  Twice a day.  30 minutes each.  Monday-Friday.

There is a Retreat booklet available to download at: http://peaceriverspirituality.org/pilgrimages-and-retreats/live-2018-lent-retreat/?view=mobile    It has an overview of where our journey will take us. It includes everything you shall need to participate.  You can download and print it for easiest use.

So join me, won’t you?  There is no pressure.  No papers.  No attendance record.  No grade at the end. Just an accomplishment towards your own spiritual deepening–and time spent letting God get a word in edgewise in my life and yours. 

To participate LIVE… you can go to the Peace River Spirituality Center page on Facebook and “Like” it.  The twice daily videos should automatically begin to be fed to your Facebook page.  You can view the modules (48 hours later) on the Pine Shores Presbyterian Church’s web page, where they will be archived.

I know.  This is not a usual invitation. Nor is this a usual retreat.  But it holds the possibility of being a wonderful deepening adventure for you and me.  What to you say?  Wanna come?

In peace and with joy,

Kathleen

KATHLEEN BRONAGH WELLER — thecelticmonk 

HOPE

Is there a difference for you between a wish, a hope or a dream?  I know I sometimes use those words interchangeably in a fanciful way:  I wish I was going on vacation… I hope I am going on vacation… I am dreaming of being on vacation!

But when matters are more serious, or even grave…do I still use these words as if they meant the same thing?  I wish I didn’t need surgery… I hope I don’t need surgery… I dreamt I did not need surgery?  [I have no surgery planned]  No, I don’t use these words in the same way when speaking of something more consequential, more serious.

In a conversation yesterday with sister spiritual directors, one of them related something she’d heard over the weekend and that she was still in the process of unpacking and wondering about.  Her little something also captured my attention so, that it bubbled up first thing this morning.  At a conference from which she’s just returned, the speaker offered this seemingly simple thought: “hope without action leads to despair.”  Hope without action leads to despair.  How does that feel to you?  Hold that thought.

So this morning I was on a social media site and read one of those posts that come up every so often.  They are the equivalent to a chain letter…that if you don’t pass it on…something terrible will happen to you, but if you do, something wonderful will happen.  The post was about a serious matter, cancer.  But somehow the author believed that pasting this chain letter was efficacious.

It was in reading that frivolous post on social media,  that Patricia’s wondering came back to me.  And let me state my inkling, or my fear, up front.  My fear is that many people… with a great hope for something good… believe (erroneously) that posting on social media is action; is doing something.  And while being heart-feltly concerned for a friend or family member with cancer…hoping for their survival is a call to action–a social media post is not an action.

The most likely actions for such a hope may be a call to prayer. Or a call to listening to the person’s pain.  Maybe it’s a call to make a supper, to watch their kids, to hold their hand, to drive them to an appointment.  To not have our true hope(s) become despair… action is needed.  Real action…not false action…fake action.

But we’ve been duped, en masse, into believing that doing a COPY and PASTE on a social media site is doing something.  Whether its something as serious as health concerns, the working of our politics, or our concern for the welfare of the earth–let me assure you that COPY AND PASTE will not help a person, people or cause.  And it will not hold back despair.  It cannot hold back your despair.

It is not lost on me that I am sitting here with my laptop literally on my lap to share this “aha” moment of mine on another social media outlet.  But  if just one of you who reads this begins to think about those things for which you hope…and actually takes a step toward action (real action) then I’m blessed.  And you will be too.  

Wishes and dreams are magical, friends.  Sometimes, they can even keep a little light burning in a  dark or scary space for a while.  But hope?  Our hopes must have feet on them. Our hopes call us beyond ourselves for our own good and/or the good of others.  And when great hopes are not matched with great action…they can lead to despair.

I did not Copy and Paste the item on my timeline this morning.  But I’m engaged in discovering an action step for those things that rise from wish or dream status in my life to a true hope.  And I’ve written this little piece, because I hope you will do the same.

In much peace and with love,

Kathleen Bronagh Weller
THECELTICMONK

Dear Ones,

Earlier this August, I attended the 2017 John Main Seminar.  We were hosted on the campus of the University of St. Thomas in the museum district of Houston, Texas.  People travelled from Venezuela, Trinidad, Australia and beyond to attend. I still  have much to unpack from the week; much to yet ponder.

The seminar began with a four-day guided silent retreat with Laurence Freeman (Benedictine) who is the Executive Director of the World Community for Christian Meditation.  He led us through short talks on finding our way to the “inner room” in our meditation.  Citing Scripture, the practice of Lectio Divina, and the images of the Rothko Chapel, Fr. Laurence made a compelling case on how we may be led into stillness and silence. A silence we practiced 6 times a day for 25 minutes each sitting.  What I want to share is more experience and interpretation than information.  It so happens that the experience I want to share occurred on the very first day and continued to open itself the rest of the week.  

Our designated location at the university was a lecture hall with rows and rows of theatre-style seats with steep steps declining toward the stage below.  On the stage was a single table covered with a colorful cloth, an icon of Christ, flowers and a candle.  Next to the table was a chair for Fr. Laurence.  

Most often I made my way down to within the first few rows as the spaces near the top filled up first. The room was chilled for the number of persons who would fill it…but as they say “heat rises” so I was always wrapped in a pashmina I carried for just such an occasion.  On this particular day I had the fortune of sitting in the first row, the one with the most leg room.  After Laurence’s introduction, he led us into our first group meditation…”Heavenly Father, open our hearts to the silent presence of  the Spirit of Your Son, lead us into that mysterious silence where Your love is revealed to all who call… Maranatha, Come Lord Jesus.” (John Main’s prayer)

As the bowl was struck three times, more than 100 people settled in for our first of thirty different opportunities to sit in silence together over the week.  The lights dimmed. The sneezes and coughs faded. Still. Very still. 

A while into the silence there was a loud “Click” the dimmed lights went off completely and there was utter darkness. On its heals another “Click” and the air-conditioning in the room also went off.  With maybe only seconds between there was a third “Click” and a single emergency light came on high in a corner of the room.  It was only a few more minutes until the bowl rang again 3 times to end our silent prayer.  The lights all came back up by the push of a button in the video control booth.

I didn’t think much more about the experience that day, until I realized it happening again and again as we gathered to sit in silence. Not so neatly and deliberately as that first time, but nonetheless, each time.  And as Laurence’s teaching on creating an inner room in our heart continued to unfold… those now familiar clicks began to tell me a story. A story of how our inclination is to create activity, busy-ness and noise rather than tending to a point of silence. 

As I ruminated on it I realized that the first click was the computer-driven smart buildings’ way of saying “nothing is happening here.”  Through its sensors, though there were 100+ people in the room, it saw the space as empty.  No need for all these lights, even dimmed.  Since there’s been no movement for 20 minutes, time to shut down.  The smart-building letting us know that silence and stillness are not valued here … “Click.”

The second click was that same building turning off the air-conditioning.  With no one moving it sensed no need to chill the place. It was saving energy, although there were a lot of people who would now not have new air to breathe.  This second click became for me a reminder that their is a Breath that is of utmost importance in our lives; and it is not the breath a smart-building can take away. …”Click.”

The final click was that a small square emergency light that came on high in the front corner of the room.  It was just enough light to let you know you were not on a smooth surface.  Just enough light that you could see the outline of rows of chairs and aisles and EXIT signs above the doors.  Just enough..but not quite enough.  Following the lead of Laurence’s teaching I received it as a sign, a hope, for the light within us all that is waiting to shine…waiting to show itself when once we enter the inner room of our heart through stillness and silence.  There is indeed a Light within… the light of God, the spark of the divine … “Click”

In a conversation around a table toward the end of that week, I shared the skeleton of this experience. I shared it again as a devotional before a monthly meeting upon my return.  Each time I do, I learn more. There are so many nuances to these three clicks.  Maybe there are others that you see or that speak to that still place inside of you.  

We indeed have benefitted from the age of technology.  But in some cases, as I think the above is evidence, we have created systems and objects that keep us from our true selves, that keep us from the Light that shines in the darkness not visible with human eyes.  Perhaps its time to listen for those “Clicks” — to listen, to wonder, to understand.  And to give Thanks!

In stillness and silence of heart,

Kathleen Bronagh Weller  
THECELTICMONK

        Yet this particular image was persistent, so as is my habit I simply hit COPY and SAVE and it ended up in my bottomless folder of images that try to speak to me.  The ones I save for someday. And some of them have been there a long time!

        You know sometimes, or maybe most of the time, we can get tongue-tied when we read the poetry of John’s Gospel… but this image made it more real for me than I ever knew it to be.  Christ, the light of all the people. Christ in me, my hope of glory.  Christ above me, beneath me, shining through me and you, and you…  Christ within me, illumining my heart and mind and yours.  Blessings and grace penetrating all people. 

P.S.  I think the above photo has all the invitations of Advent waiting.  It is saying:   

                                                        To God be the glory.