The Celtic Monk Musings

        I recently completed a paper on the theme of the dark night of the soul as found in John of the Cross and the interior castle as described by Teresa of Avila.  It was a timely topic for this season of my soul, as I both invited and allowed myself to step out of the false surety of Enlightenment thinking and into the place where mystics meet God.

        The paper  opened with these assumptions from which to dialog with John and Teresa:  “the fullest understanding I bring to this theme is that the spiritual journey far from being a common path, is unique to each person as we undertake to follow the pull of the Spirit.  Implicit are these assumptions: Each person is uniquely created; There is a will great than our own and a purpose beyond what we see; though we can journey with others, no one else’s journey is ours.  Ultimately, our spiritual journey is custom designed and to each of us God delights to reveal our way.”

      Surely saying things like this sends religious conformists into apoplexy and spiritually free thinkers into a dance of joy. But as I often find myself–firmly in the middle of any polarity–the significance of being uniquely created by God, and the admonition to ‘hear His voice and follow’ is not as simple as the traditionalists make it seem, nor as willy-nilly as non-conformists would like to believe.  There is more to our relationship to God than an all or nothing mimicking of the past or full out throwing caution to the wind.

       This morning I watched/ listened to the homily at Holy Cross Monastery in Rostrevor, Northern Ireland. [it’s the monastery I visited in 2010] The officiant talked about the seemingly contradictory vows of “stability” and “conversion” which are given by Benedict in his Rule.  One calls us to be firmly planted, he said. And the other urges us to make all necessary changes being led by the Spirit. He was saying that far from contradictory these vows keep us grounded and yet not stagnant.

        There are times in all of our lives in which we feel the tug–when long standing or hard won beliefs or practices are being dismantled within us.  Some of us cling so fervently to what is old that the conversion the Spirit is seeking to make new in us is put off. Yet some of us plunge into the newness like female penguins into the North Sea.  Still others deny that conversion/ transformation/renewal of Spirit is happening or even necessary: “if it was good enough for ____________ its good enough for me!”   Being re-formed comes easier to some than to others.

        I myself continue to be in a spiritual season of rootedness, groundedness and stability holding hands with change, transformation and conversion of heart.  It is a season of John of the Cross’s dark night and the winding steps of Teresa’s interior castle.  It’s a deep season for me where questions of ultimate significance are my constant companions and yet there is a sweet lightness knowing the Spirit is walking with me to wherever Christ is calling me.  The darkness is as bright as day.   The darkness is as bright as day.

        I share this with you friend, as an invitation.  What kind of time is this for you?  Are there roots that have stopped providing spiritual nourishment and need to be pulled?  Is the Spirit calling you ahead in ways that you’ve pushed aside or down or ignored?  Who are your spiritual companions–who can listen to your spiritual longings, hopes, fears, dreams? To whom do you turn to talk about your spirit? 

        Attention to our spirit and the Spirit is not work for the already overly busy, overly important, for people allergic to change, or for the complacent.  It tends to undo us before putting us back together. It will bring us into the very, very dark before providing a new governing light. Like getting older, its not for sissy’s!  It is however necessary spiritual work for those who have heard a inner voice that is gentle, inviting you to finish well this race.  Attentiveness to such an invitation is the best investment for a life marked by joy and peace.

Holding you up to the Light of God’s Love and Grace.
Kathleen Bronagh Weller,  the celtic monk    

          As I sit here this morning, I am facing a pile of presents in brightly colored wrappings of Christmas red, gold, blue and green.  Personally I have no trouble seeing the stack before me–no anxiety–no heart quickening–but of course I know what each package holds.  Treasures I’ve purchased over the last six months (more earnestly in recent weeks) to delight the hearts of those I love.
          Liam and Lauren and even Isaac at 15 would love to come into this special room and shake each one guessing what it might be.  Christmas fever is strong at this time of year.  Their joy can hardly be contained.  “Just let me open one Grammie; augh come on!” And yet, there is more to this season than our expectations of what might lie underneath even the shiniest of wrappings and bows.
         
          I cherish this season of waiting each year with all its symbols.  I’m drawn in by the days that are shorter and the many different ways we are able to add light.  Though the practical use of candles has long since ceased to be relevant…I light more candles in Advent than at any other time of the year.  A reminder, with each stroke of the match and flickering of light on the walls and ceiling, that we see only darkly–but a Light is coming into the world.

          It’s my own prayerful wondering in this season of waiting that causes anticipation to rise in my heart and mind.  How might Christ be being born anew in me?  What lies ahead that His Light will reveal?  What gift of His Presence does He intend for me to notice this Advent as the light increases  as each new candle makes the way brighter?

          My waiting on this second Sunday of Advent has simply called me into the mystery of contentment in what has not yet been revealed.  This year’s waiting is stretching me to live more faithfully in the unknown of God’s love.  Perhaps that’s why the second candle of Advent called to me so early this morning…because Christ was beckoning me to receive His peace in the darkness of the morning.

         My prayer is that you might take time to ponder the movements of this Advent Season.  May your waiting be spiritually fruitful.  May the gifts you receive be like the pearl of great price…and may the Light of Christ illumine  your way.  May the Light of Christ, be your way.

         In Peace and Joy, KATHLEEN BRONAGH WELLER, the celtic monk
         

                   This is my favorite photo.  It’s a Beluga Whale who has become the signature of all printed material of Peace River Spirituality Center.  You can see her in a quick glance at our brochure, letterhead, business cards, even on our mouse pad!

                    It’s not that I don’t like the rounded white head of the Beluga, but there is something at the same time mysterious, ethereal and strong about this image.  Maybe the mystery is in the nature of the fluke–which we know is like the whale version of human fingerprints…no two exactly alike.  Maybe its the strength we imagine of this magnificent creature as she plunges herself into the deep.  Or simply the stark visual contrast of the white flesh against the dark water in her naturalized tank.

                   My eye, heart and imagination are caught by the amazing color of the submerged head and body under the water.  The cool teals and turquoises call me to follow.  I want to know what  caused her to change course. I want to feel the water quickly going over my body.  I want to know what called to her that was worth the plunge–perhaps especially that–what made her dive deeper?

                   This photo is of a moment in time of a transition. We don’t know what happened the moment before, or what came after.  We do know that something or someone called and Sophia took the plunge, changed direction, went by another path, deeper…and alone.

                   That is the nature of transitions, isn’t it.  One moment we’re headed one way and then something happens, or we hear a different voice, a different call.  It’s the nature of transitions that they often feel like we’re taking a plunge which can be exciting or fearful or both.  What transitions have you experienced lately?

                  Transitions can be public like changes in where we work or where we live.  They can be more private like matters of our health or changing our mind.  But sometimes the transitions of our life are of the spirit.  Transitions in our spirit often affect all areas of our lives–as they involve the very bedrock of who we are.

                  In my work in spiritual direction, I’m often able to accompany folks as they are being awakened to fresh impulses of God’s Spirit.  Often they don’t recognize the new…but know that the old ways they thought, prayed, experienced the Holy, or believed are changing.  It’s most often at first a frightening thing. But as we meet, together we’re able to begin to see an order, or direction, or even a divine plan. Waiting is the most difficult part of any transition.

                 Currently I’m in a transition of my own.  After 5 consecutive Interim opportunities…I hear a loud, insistent call for reflection. This week I’ve transitioned from a 20 month full-time call to a very part-time position for the next few months.  I find myself at a place of utter openness willing to take the time to listen and follow, whatever that may bring.  I’m trying to pay attention to those sweet whispers of the Spirit–making note of what is new or different.  More than ever, I take comfort in the photo above and her obvious freedom to change direction!

                 I’m convinced that for the most part we’ve been poorly taught in how to be aware and listen for birthing moments in our spirit. Life moves at a pace that is not conducive to such subtlety. Chances are we’ve whooshed right past Spirit nudges and have left behind opportunities for our good and for the good of others around us.

                  But it need not be so.  Why not set aside an hour a month for your spirit?  Meditate. Pray. Make an appointment with a spiritual director.  Walk on the beach (unless its cold where you are). Set an intention to connect with your spirit–and don’t be surprised when The Spirit shows up.

In peace and joy,  KATHLEEN BRONAGH WELLER  —  the celtic monk

How’s your prayer life?  How has it changed over the years?  Does it make your heart sing?  Or do you have the sense that something is missing?  There has been some amazing theological reflection done in the past decade on spirituality during the second half of life.  Even before you wonder if you are in the second half of life let me ask you…do you remember Howdy Doody?  If so, you’re here!

I’m in my final residency (this week and next) with The Shalem Institute at a wonderful retreat setting outside of Baltimore.  Already we’ve had some amazing teaching, silence, peer group interaction and significant time with  our prayer partners.  Rosemary Dougherty who has literally written the book on prayer spent all day Wednesday with us lecturing and leading us in prayer practices.  This kind of rich spiritual experience makes our days which begin in prayer at 7:45 a.m. and go till 9:00 p.m. seem much too short.

And yet, when’s the last time someone asked about your prayer life?  When is the last time you sought out new prayer practices that might take you deeper and closer into the heart of God?  How adventuresome are you in prayer?  Or maybe you’re doing what I did for so long,  just keep repeating the same things and hoping for different results.  When’s the last time your prayer seemed to change the axis of the universe?

Though my prayer life has changed dramatically over the past 4 or 5 years, I realized as Rosemary shared that it still isn’t what it could be.  Truthfully, I’d be so bold as to confess it isn’t what God wants for me.  I’ve been rather creative in trying new ways to spend my prayer time — yet I realized again this week how very stuck I still am doing those things that were new to me 30 years ago. Then they were new and exciting… now they’re simply 30 years older.

Allow me to share with you my breakthrough:  I admitted that I wasn’t satisfied.  In prayer (and with some fear and trembling) I told God that I wasn’t satisfied with this meager communication that too often seemed one way.  I admitted that although I knew we’d made some strides, I wanted more.  My prayer (complaining about prayer) wasn’t nice or neat and may even have been a little hostile at times.  But here it is:  God is big enough to hear whatever we have to say.  Not only that, God loves us enough to respond when we seek Him with our whole heart.

Rosemary would tell you that I went through the steps of Purgative, Illuminative and Unitive prayer all in one day of silent wrestling with God over my prayer life.  I will tell you that I began early this morning a little miffed and sad because my prayer times didn’t seem to be increasing in depth and love…but that by God’s grace, in 12 hours of silent seeking and many tears later, I knew God heard and answered.  Like Jacob with the angel of the Lord, I’d done some wrestling today and God was gracious–more than gracious.

Have you wrestled with God lately?  Is there some part of your relationship with God that you know needs attention but that you’ve just kind of let go?  Are you settling for lukewarm in your spiritual life?  What are you waiting for?

My odyssey began in earnest when I mustered up the courage to tell God the truth about how I was feeling; with the sugar coating washed away and the gloves off.  The One who is All Love, didn’t blink but held me up so I could tell Him some more. 

How’s your prayer life?  I’d love to talk to you about it.  IN PEACE AND JOY (MUCH, MUCH, JOY)   Kathleen Bronagh Weller, THE CELTIC MONK

     

 2013 is the first time in the past 20 years that I have not written, shared or published a devotional or prayer guide for the season of Lent.  It’s been my practice, an offering to the communities I’ve served as well as a labor of love, devotion and an outpouring of my faith during my entire ministry.

      Some of those years I took the season of Lent to journal my devotions based on a Gospel or spiritual classic planning, after the 40 days, to edit and polish it for use the following year.  As a project during one year of my doctoral work, I used the sayings of the desert mothers and fathers to launch the daily devotional–adding themes, scriptures and prayers.  Likely, most of you have found it to be true in your own acts of devotion, I learned much preparing such an offering for others.

      This Lent however has been a remarkably silent one for me. Surgery at 7 a.m. the morning after Ash Wednesday and a six week recovery has changed what I do and how I do it.  But each time I began even just in my mind to bemoan that fact, a deep inward pull stopped me. It’s only now,  approaching the 5th Sunday in Lent that I’m begining to make sense of it; and here is what I’ve come to believe:
                      “We ought not try to give back to God the gift He’s giving us.”
      Or to make it more personal: “I ought not try to give back to God the gift He’s given me.”

     Because I care deeply about the spiritual nurture and growth of those I serve, I’ve annually run at full bore from Ash Wednesday through Holy Week and Easter.  There was the devotional, and an extra adult education class, there was an extra opportunity for worship and sacrament, and many years during Holy Week something each day and night so that busy people could fit spiritual disci-plines and opportunities into their schedules–whether that was a temporary labyrinth, a diorama walk through the events of Holy Week, or something else.  With really good intentions, the sacredness and reflection of Lent was ‘lost’ for me in activity. 

      However it was gifted back to me this year wrapped in gallbladder surgery and a recovery that they promise me will be complete by Palm Sunday.  This season which I can cogently argue is the most important season of the Church year– came to me wrapped in time and silence and presented to me when I did not expect such a gift.  It was extended to me, before I could recognize what it was and before I was able to receive it.  Yet the catch in my spirit was trying to tell me something.

      Does that happen to you too?  Have you ever experienced a catch or a glitch in your spirit?  Did you pay attention to it, or ignore it?  Did it go away, or were you finally able to discern what God was trying to say or how God was trying to lead you? 

      The promised Holy Spirit is available to each of us and is the Teacher, Director and Comforter that Jesus said.  When we are open,  when we listen and when we pay attention the Spirit does reveal God’s will and ways to us. I know there have been times I’ve not been open, not listened and soon the prompting went away. It’s only now I realize how much I regret those times.

      The Gift of a Silent Lent has reminded me how important it is for my spirit to pause, and to listen. It’s helped me slow down from my normal (?) 8 daily cups of caffineated tea life. The Gift of a Silent Lent has given me time to think deeply and realign priorities that my busy life saw nothing wrong with.  It’s called me more seriously to prayer.  The Gift of a Silent Lent has strengthened my spirit and blessed me anew with the knowledge of God’s love for my imperfect self.

      There are still 15 days left in Lent 2013. How has this season been for you?  What has God been speaking into your life?   My hope and prayer for you is that you might still have a Silent Lent in which to listen and hear from the One who loves you most.  IN JOY AND PEACE, Kathleen Bronagh Weller, THE CELTIC MONK  

Why come to worship?  It seems an odd wondering as the second Sunday in Lent approaches, on our annual journey towards Jerusalem with Jesus and his disciples.  A journey that inevitably takes us through the events of Holy Week–its horror and its mystery; and on to Easter morning which if we’d been there held some horror and mystery of its own. Remembering the disciples weren’t coloring eggs, filling baskets with jelly beans, or parading with lillies quite yet.

This year the church I’m serving, has an extra opportunity for Lent, the addition of a mid-week worship service that includes the Lord’s Supper.   It’s quite out of the ordinary for protestants who have historically been happy with a monthly or quarterly inclusion of the sacrament to have the opportunity to partake weekly. There were times in my ecumenical past that I received the sacrament on a daily basis and still do during the week I spend on retreat at the Abbey.

As a child I thought that heaven would be a place where you’d have whatever you wanted. At that time, my best hope was a water fountain that provided pink lemonade!  It never occured to me that I wouldn’t want silly things.  More recently, I’ve seen t-shirts and bumper stickers that allude to heaven being full of puppies or greens and fairways where no one has a handicap.  It seems that some folks don’t outgrow wishful thinking.

Where this meets my regard for worship, is that worshipping God together here on earth is likely the best dress rehearsal we have for what we’ll be doing throughout eternity.  Puppies, pink lemonade and fairways aside, the chief end of humankind is to worship and glorify God forever.  Forever is a long, long time. Ought we not be intentional in our pursuit of acquiring the taste, for what is to come?

Much that passes for a worship service in our day and time, unfortunately has little to do with glorifying God.  We come to be entertained and applaud when we’ve been satisfied.  We come to meet and greet, to see and be seen.  We rate the music, the message and the coffee.  We’re often pre-occupied with the temperature of the room.  Much of what belongs in a class of adult christian education now finds itself in worship because folks won’t spend the extra hours on a Sunday morning for education; so we attempt to cram everything into what we call worship.

My intent for worship (which I lead or attend) is to spend the majority of the time with eyes and hearts focused heavenward.  At its barest that means announcements and business before the Call to Worship. At its most graced, keeping God the center, the reason and purpose. A few weeks ago a caring soul left a note on the pulpit that read: “the police are out on Midway Blvd., tell folks to be careful.”  I did not take the opportunity to warn the congregation during worship.

People come to worship for many reasons few have anything to do with the intention to worship and glorify God. It’s often not their fault.  For many, no one has ever taught them that this weekly or daily ritual is preparing us for eternity. The Church has not been a faithful keeper of worship – its form, significance or theology. We’ve been co-opted by the culture and we’ve watered down the best we have to offer a world that needs to find its way–our vehicle of distributing hope.

Our little weekly extra opportunity for worship in prayer, song and sacrament this Lenten season leaves no room to wonder what it is we’ve come to do.  There are no words spoken other than those directed to the worship of God.  The tone is contemplative, the silences give our souls a chance to breathe, the songs are prayer and the sacrament is rooted in all that came before it.  At the end we give thanks to God and ask His blessing as we go into the night, knowing God was with us.

Why do you go to worship?  What compels you?  What do you expect to happen there?   For some the question might better be: why don’t you go to worship?   The answer for a few will be that indeed the Church has not been a faithful keeper or teacher of worship.  Many who found it lacking or wanting just stopped going.

There is a long sacred tradition since the disciples walked with Jesus on the way to Jerusalem till now.  The history of the Christian tradition is checkered, not as pure as we hoped it would be.  But because of the grace of God and God’s patience there is always time to turn things around.  To make what has become old, new again.  Even 21st worship can become the experience of the eternal it was meant to be. Sometimes change doesn’t happen from the top down, but from the bottom up.  Sometimes it takes just one person coming to worship with a renewed heart, that will renew the experience for everyone.  It’s not something we take responsibilty for, that’s God’s job.  But it’s our act of faithfulness, our showing up, that God can use.

Why do you (or don’t you) come to worship?  Might this high holy season of the church be your opportunity to try again?  We don’t have to ‘buy’ everything that might be being sold during the hour.  But our right heart will be seen by God, and we will be blessed.  

In peace and joy,  Kathleen Bronagh Weller  THE CELTIC MONK  

        How did it escape me that there would be “upkeep?”  Did I really think those truckloads of gravel would stop things from growing here in the tropics?  In a matter of weeks it seemed that a little moss formed where the palmettos shaded the path, then a little (okay a lot) of humidity turned the moss into soil and voila! things sprouted.  Without diligence on my part, it just kept on growing.

        I find the same to be true in other areas of my life as well. There’s a lot of upkeep in having all those books that would take a librarian to keep track of.  For my car, there’s oil changes of which a little sticker up in the corner of my windshield is supposed to remind me. Don’t get me started on the decorations for the house I thought I needed to simulate a change of seasons in this place where seasons don’t seem to change.  I’m just beginning to understand that in addition to all these is the upkeep of my body as I face the grace of a big birthday this year. Upkeep. Much, Much Upkeep.

        Our relationships take upkeep too, to send a note, email, card or call.  We must take time (I’ve heard this theme before) for people.  We take time for those who are important for us to be attentive to and into whose lives we speak. Friendships,  marriages, family, extended family, co-workers all require time–unhurried, unresented, peace-filled time.

         It’s good every once in a while to examine what we intend to keep up.  First to take stock of the commitments we’ve already made.  Secondly, to consider where on our hiearchy of priorities all this upkeep falls. Thirdly, to make those sometimes difficult decisions to rearrange, reconsider or sometimes to refrain.  Stopping things is easier said than done, even if its something that has become more a chore than a joy.

         Our spiritual life is one of those things that requires upkeep.  And my sense from personal experience is that if we let this upkeep go…none of the other areas of our life are able to thrive. For each of us this upkeep takes different forms.  For most of us it includes regularly meeting for worship with a community of faith, our prayer life, Scripture and acts of service. I’m keenly aware that one size does not fit all. I’ve gone through many shapes and sizes of spiritual exercise to feed my soul.

         Most of you know that I’m a Spiritual Director.  I see women and men on a monthly basis for conversations bathed in prayer.  For these dear ones this one hour a month is part of the upkeep of their spiritual lives. For me these very same relationships are vital for the upkeep of the call of God on my life.  I feel most like I’m doing what I’ve been gifted to do in these hours with these people. 

         My personal spiritual upkeep includes daily silence, evening prayers, my own directed relationship, retreats and study. These are the things which, should they become crowded out, would make the rest of my life all the poorer. 

         I reflect on all of this today as a way to follow up with you on your findings as you’ve begun to pray the Examen.  So often even in its early practice in fits and starts, the Examen bears fruit that makes us see differently and helps us make important decisions about our lives.  It helps us begin to peel away all that is non-essential and get to the sweetness.

        My hope and prayer is that in these first few weeks of the New Year, you’ve found a rhythm or a new practice to help in the upkeep of the most important relationship you have–exploring what God is doing in you, with you and through you. May you continue to be blessed in the upkeep.
IN PEACE AND JOY, Kathleen Bronagh Weller, THE CELTIC MONK

P.S.  The photo above is a clever vine hut constructed over a bench at the Benedictine Abbey in Rostrevor, Northern Ireland.  I did look for a photo of weeds–and I will let you imagine the photos
that come up when you Google “weed photo.”  I am a child of the 60’s and didn’t know better.       

                       

   

       As promised, here are some ideas for your practice of The Examen which can transform and deepen your spiritual life. I’ve done a lot of study about this spiritual discipline and have practiced it intermittently for the past few decades. The suggestions below are just that; options for how you might wish to practice the prayer.  May it bring you joy day-by-day in 2013 and beyond.

• Take a moment to remember you are beloved of God, just as you are.  There is nothing that can separate you from the love of God.

• Remember and give thanks for the gifts that God’s love has bestowed upon you today; sunshine, friendship, an answered prayer, strength for a challenge, daily bread, etc.

• Ask God for a blessing that will make this prayer time more than a human endeavor; then watch for an insight that comes not from within you neither heart nor mind, but from above.

• Trusting in God’s love, review the past 24 hours.  What were the thoughts, wonderings, insights or ponderings that God bestowed.  What were the thoughts that came from someplace else?  How did you respond to Divine and other promptings?

• With the past 24 hours in perspective, we seek the mercy of God’s forgiveness, from the only one who can offer us healing.  God hears the prayer of those who seek Him and heals us.

• Filled with the joy of being made whole, we make plans for tomorrow and how we’ll live more purposely in the Light of God’s Love. 

• Bathed in the Spirit of peace, we conclude our prayer. 

       Some folks do The Examen as a mental prayer while others choose to practice it as a journaling prayer.  Again, there’s no right way. I’ve planned to begin the New Year with The Examen –once more making it a daily exercise and invite you to join me and tens of thousands of others who use it this way.  God Bless you and those you love in 2013 with Hope, Peace and Joy.

This morning on my way to the church, I left a container of Christmas cookies on the step of a camper that was by the side of the road.  Well, perhaps I’m already ahead of myself.

Last Sunday morning as we were on our way to church, there was a camper/rv at the side of a two lane divided highway.  I was a little irritated as I drove by thinking how unsafe a place to park not only for the owner, but for travelers.  However, by the time we passed by later in the day, I noticed it was gone.

Then Tuesday morning on another little road I frequent, the camper/rv was back again this time at the side of an even more narrow two lane road. Really quite out of place. Surprised to see it a second time, I began to wonder about the folks who owned it or were in it.  Why weren’t they at one of the 100 rv parks around here.  Why at the side of the road with no electric, no water.

While leaving home this morning, I packed a container with Christmas cookies (the kind I only make once a year.)  My plan: if I should see that camper/rv again, to offer them encouragement and to see if I could be practically helpful. 

I was suprised to see it still on the narrow road, now donning an orange construction cone at the back end so that approaching drivers could see them.  I pulled in front of it and knocked on the front door.  No one was home, so I left the cookies on the tall step with a note saying that I’d noticed them and wanted to share God’s love with them.

In this Advent season with its drumbeat of watch words like ‘being awake’, ‘waiting’ and ‘preparing’, there are all kinds of things we might choose to do to prepare ourselves to meet Christ. But as this drama has lived itself out in me these past few days, I’m convinced that this is how I was called to prepare this year.

It’s a story without an ending.  I’m wondering if the camper will still be there tonight when I pass by once again.  I’m wondering if there will be any signs of life in there.  I’m wondering if the cookies will be gone from the steps.

How are you preparing this Advent Season?  Who are you expecting?  How might you be a manifestation of Christ and a demonstration of the love of God?  A couple dozen of my prize cookies aren’t worth a lot.  But its what I felt called to do in my watching, waiting and being awake. May the Spirit of the Advent Season lead you and bless you. 
IN PEACE AND JOY, Kathleen Bronagh Weller, THE CELTIC MONK