It was the week after Christmas 2020, a full 9 months into the pandemic and not a vaccine in sight, when we began talking about our personal “state of the union.” Who were we? Where are we? How did we get here? were just some of the questions. Questions made possible by the abundance of time. The defining question really became: “Is this who, where and how we would choose to live” — as we now approach the last fifth of our lives if so blessed…or the last days or years as the Lord allows. Such introspection and conversation made possible in the time we’d spent together away from the harm of others breath (I could write a sermon on this) but even more possible as we celebrated Christmas without family; they 1,000 miles away because of a Covid-19 exposure.
I raised the question first. Why are we living here? What is keeping us here? If we could live anywhere else, where might that be? We touched on these questions over the course of weeks into and including the week we were spending in Vero Beach, without the kids and grandkids–us being still quarantined together–now with very beautiful surroundings. Sam likely remarked first that we always liked the Atlantic side of Florida better than the Gulf. His parents had lived near Ft. Lauderdale years ago and we’d enjoyed the short bike ride to the beach each day. We’d even looked at houses on Merritt Island near Melbourne before relocating to Sarasota.
On a lark, on January 1st (with a very accommodating realtor) we went to look at a condominium which from it’s 10th floor screened deck had a clear view of two launch pads on NASA’s Kennedy Space Center on Cape Canaveral. “I could watch launches in my pajama’s” I said. The building was also at the base of a bridge that led to miles and miles of pristine beach in a National Park. Breathtaking! When sanity returned, we realized the condo was too small. The town (except for the space program) did not have the amenities we depended on. No, we wouldn’t be moving to the condo on the water with the 10th floor view that faced the launch pads.
But our wondering and our willingness to seriously entertain our options seemed to take on a life of its own. We were making lists of what we might want and what we might need. It went from the sublime to the ridiculous. Any community we searched, Sam would ask… “how far is Costco?” And then there were more serious considerations like, if we were really ready for condo living, or a 55+ community or another gated community. We agreed we had miserably failed down-sizing. Not one car had ever been in our 2 car garage in the past 6 years… Maybe we were hoping for a small house, just a little bigger than the one we failed into.
Other conversations kept the initial one alive. In our late 60’s we felt like we’d never really ‘chosen’ to live/move someplace. We spent the 30 plus years of our married life following my call to ministry and we relocated near the churches I would serve. It took us to 3 different states, the last being Florida. Florida was a semi-choice as I began to search for a call in SW Florida to be near my mom when she became ill in 2001. But now the question persisted…If we could…where would we live?
Just 48 days into 2021 we placed a bid on a small house, on a salt marsh, in Jacksonville Beach. In it’s favor not in any order were these things: a mile off the Atlantic Ocean, a mile from Mayo Clinic, situated in a protected nature preserve, just a little bigger than our down-size, and 5 miles from Costco š We’ll close in 2 weeks. Did I mention that our new community is called The Sanctuary?
As this unfolded, I realized (with a little help from my Shalem peeps) that that was part of what it was all about from the beginning–that was the ground of my season of wrestleness. I was feeling a need at this time in my life for Sanctuary in the many nuances of that word. A holy place and a place of wholeness. A safe place and a place of peace…of beauty…of nature and nurture. And while a physical relocation does not, cannot, will not give sanctuary… in my heart of hearts I knew that I was being called to journey, to seek it, and the willingness to uproot from everything familiar was a piece of the way/pilgrimage. And so the adventure begins.
We’ll make the physical move in May, God willing. There are vaccines to finish up here and a round of infusions to begin. There are things to do we haven’t even thought of yet. But in still moments when we ask ourselves “is this the right thing?” and “is this the right time?” and “is this the right place?” the answer is affirmative. While the physical journey has a future date in time, the spiritual journey has already begun. We all must close one door to make room for something new to begin.
Since my life in the past year has been reduced to being a talking head on FB or Zoom, the physical location that I appear from virtually, really doesn’t matter. Sometimes my background has been the Abbey in Kentucky, or Vero Beach, or Selby Gardens or Mars! Hopefully, I’ll have found new beautiful places ‘to live and move and have my being’ on and off the screen. I will continue my practice of Spiritual Companionship to those seeking God’s face in the midst of their own dynamic lives because for me these precious hours remain a time of bliss: where my gifts meet the others’ need.
So here we go at this late time of life to seek to live pleasant days with new opportunities, learnings, and adventures. We hope to find a community of which we feel a part, to offer our gifts and welcome theirs. Wherever and however our journey’s have intersected my friend, I hope you’ll stay in touch. For our connections to one another have nothing to do with geography and ultimately everything to do with the One Who’s spark is within us…within us all...the One Who calls.
Blessings on your journey – please offer me your blessing on mine!
Kathleen Bronagh Weller the celtic monk
The Celtic Monk Musings 